The Handyman's Accomplice

Today’s Danish lesson: ‘Måske forstår jeg dansk om fjorten dage’ --  ’Perhaps I will understand Danish in two weeks.’  I am doubtful.

Last week, however, I learned an extremely useful Danish phrase: Jeg arbejder på en fabrik i Vanløse.  This means, ‘I work in a factory in Vanløse’ (which is a suburb of Copenhagen).  I do not find many occasions to use this phrase; however, I might be able to use the other phrase we have learned – Jeg er kemiker (I am a chemist).  Well, it’s close enough.  In any event, should I ever decide to work in a factory, I will be well prepared with Danish vocabulary.  My favorite word in Danish that we have learned so far, however, is altmuligmand –  handyman.  One of the students in my class was utterly confused when he heard the meaning of this word, as he was convinced that another word meant ‘handyman.’  We found out later that he had mixed up the word for handyman with the word for ‘accomplice,’ which is håndlanger. 

Yesterday was the Danish holiday of Fastelavn.  Over the past few days, I have been able to gather together several facts about this holiday, which no one I ask seems to be able to explain satisfactorily.   As far as I can tell, it is the Danish pre-Lent celebration, somewhat like Carnival or Mardi Gras.  It somehow involves kids dressing up and some sort of trick-or-treat like tradition.  And then there’s this thing with a suspended barrel that people beat with a stick and break open.  Apparently, historically, the barrel used to be filled with cats.  Now the barrel is usually filled with candy.  This has a song associated with it, but it is all in Danish, of course; something about getting rid of evil spirits.  The candy concept, however, seems somewhat piñata-like.  (It has taken me a week to piece together this much of the story.  One complicating factor is that no one I’ve talked to has ever heard of Mardi Gras or a piñata.)  But once I figured out that the holiday was Fastelavn (faste meaning fast) and not festelavn (fest meaning party), things started coming together. 

On my floor in the dorm, Fastelavn was an excuse for a party.  As usual, we cooked a large, elaborate dinner; this dinner had a Mediterranean theme.  I was in charge of the salads and the yogurt sauce for the meatballs.  The salad was easy.  However, the recipe for the yogurt sauce was, of course, in Danish.  I am happy to report that my Danish has progressed to the point that I could understand the sentence that read ‘Let the yogurt mixture simmer for 5 minutes or until the sauce has begun to….’ Then there was a word that I did not know.   What complicated things slightly was that no one else in the kitchen knew how to translate that term (clearly, some sort of technical cooking term) into English.  The best someone could come up with was: “Well, it’s sort of like ‘separate,’ but not really.”  Things turned out all right, however, since I took the strategy of calling over a Danish speaker every couple of minutes and asking them if the sauce had begun to… whatever.  Eventually it did. 

I am getting to know the neighborhood around my Danish class very well.  My class is in Nørrebro, which is a popular and very diverse area, full of interesting shops and restaurants.  The little grocery store next to my class (where we buy chocolate during breaks) sells items labeled in English and Arabic.  I have become a regular at the new Thai take-out place; today, they even gave me a big bag of shrimp chips (the ones that taste like Styrofoam) to go with my standard nummer toogtyve (number 22).  I even had a conversation in somewhat stilted Danish.  (Well, it was more like Denglish, but I tried.)   And on my way home, I am consistently amused when passing the hair salon called – I am not making this up – “Fungus.”

Meanwhile, I spend my days muttering random Danish sentences to myself, in an attempt to memorize words before the next class, and collecting ideas for a Danish screenplay entitled Altmuligmandens Håndlanger (The Handyman’s Accomplice). Måske forstår jeg dansk næste måned (next month). …